It's All Star Weekend in the NHL. Soon it'll be Pro Bowl time followed by the NBA All Star Game. And I'm not going anywhere near them. Seriously, All Star games suck. Flat out, completely, harder then Tera Patrick after a new contract SUCK! They resemble nothing like the actual sport and are not the least bit entertaining. Nobody plays hard, there is little to no physical contact and generally the games look tired and lazy. This really needs to stop.
Perhaps no sport has suffered more from the effects of an All Star game then the NHL. Given it's limited television broadcasts and media coverage, the NHL has turned All Star weekend into it's major marketing push. Flashy light shows, cameras at every angle and area in the rink(including under center ice), microphones on players, the works. Of course, since no one ever throws a hit, drops the gloves, bumps the goalie or crashes the net, the game looks nothing like what you would see during the 82 game regular schedule or the playoffs. Instead the NHL showcases a game of shinney hockey with millionaire players.
One would think that given the failure of this giant marketing push to generate any new interest ini hockey Bettman and company would try to come up with ways to showcase the game as it is truly played. Yes you would think that, but no. Instead this year they've decided to go the gimmick route. On top of the usual hardest shot, fastest skater, puck handling skills demonstrations, the NHL has added an NBA style breakaway competition. Basically it's who can come up with the most creative way to score a goal while a panel of judges scores them. Anyone who's ever seen the NBA dunk contest knows that this sort of thing is hit or miss, very good, or just plain awful. While it looks good at first, once shots start missing or players lose the puck it just gets ugly.
the Pro Bowl considered(correctly) to be the most useless game in the NFL. It takes place after the regular season when many players haven't taken the field in weeks or months and more or less just want to go out, take a few plays then hit Maui's beaches. Last year when Sean Taylor ran over the punter he was, for who knows what reasons, widely criticized. Hell, it was easily the most exiting thing to happen in the Pro Bowl in a decade. At least someone played a down like it was in the regular season. The rest of the game looked like a light contact practice with the players obviously thinking of surf not turf.
I don't really need to go into the NBA All Star game do I? OK fine, here let me break it down for you. Five step lay-up, dunk, 3 pointer, lay-up, lay-up, dunk, dunk, lay-up, lay-up, lay-up, dunk, ally-oop, dunk, lay-up, 3 pointer, lay-up, dunk dunk dunk. Game over, MVP gets hailed for his efforts and I turn off my radio for two days.
Yeah yeah, I know it's all for the fans but let's get serious. Do real fans want to see their favorite players show up and play half-assed? Do real fans want to see neither team play defense and just stand around allowing opponents to land easy shots, passes or goals? All Star games are for fringe fans to ooh and awww over while owners and other rich executives sit around drinking Grey Goose martinis and getting their picture taken with whatever celebrities have been hauled out for the event.
There's an All Star game coming to my city in a few years and as you can imagine everyone is making a big deal out of it. The local sports honks are hyping it, the mayor and council are getting ready for a few dozen photo ops and everyone is acting like it's some big deal. Not me though, I really couldn't care less. I'll be at home watching Slap Shot because frankly that movie is closer to real hockey then any All Star game ever will be.
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